Guest Post From Rachel, The CHG Gourmet: A Baker’s Dirty Dozen, Part II

When we left off, I was in the middle of baking ridiculousness, and while the mechanics of this disaster were arduous, the flavor…

Oh, man. The flavor!

Yes, the brioche was buttery and rich, and the cakey-crumb was beautifully enhanced by a mix of finely- and coarsely-ground cornmeal.

Yes, the orange cinnamon loaves oozed a caramel goodness that filled the house with the smell of amber perfection. You just knew that, when that mamma-jamma was slathered with peanut butter, it would be as monumental as a meeting of a bakery-based Watson and Crick.

Yes, the amaretto roulade glistened with the toasted hue that only an egg wash can provide, and smelled like a combination of almond, marshmallow and the giggles of cherubim.

And yes, the baked rosemary and sage that sat atop the focaccia would make your eternally dour Italian nonna look up from her marinara and exclaim a hearty “Fa bene!”

Yes, they were all delicious. Actually, I’m kind of shocked that they went over as well as they did, and mildly embarrassed that the accolades are still coming in.

The twenty-block trek where Jeff and I each carried about forty pounds of bread-related baggage through Midtown traffic was remarkably worth it in the end--even the part where Jeff swore that I walked through the steel frame of a cab with the force of my pedestrian hatred. Plus, with the exception of the hard, tiring parts, it was really fulfilling to work with Jeff on such a huge venture, one where I created all of the delicious treats, and where he (with his graphic design sensibilities) wrapped them in such a way to make them aesthetically beautiful. (Also, I’m not sure that I can even start to calculate the cost, but I know we used at least three, 5-pound bags of flour, a 12-oz. jar of oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes, and the better part of a $20 bottle of amaretto. Let’s just assume it cost less than individually-purchased gifts and more than hugs.)

I guess the moral here is that the holidays make us all a little crazy with well-intentioned plans that somehow go awry, and that’s okay. It’s just important to keep it all in perspective. My note-to-self for next year is this:
You can totally do something nice for your friends and co-workers without ever having to say the words “Does this make me insane?” to a loved one. Or watch Linda Fiorentino. There’s a fate I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Guest Post From Rachel, The CHG Gourmet: A Baker’s Dirty Dozen, Part I

Happy New Year, folks! I’m Rachel, the Kris-dubbed CHG Gourmet. Thanks for being kind enough to host me while our gentle sprite of delicious, healthy things is off jaunting across the Indian mainland.

Since Kris is away, I’m going to interrupt our usual Cheap Healthy Good-ness for a quick look into the depths of culinary stupidity. As background, here are four facts you need to know:

Fact 1: Basically, I’ve always been one to overload my plate with social activities, job-type duties, and what I can lovingly term “projects.” And that procrastination thing? I’m a pro.

Fact 2: I’ve been working on a monstrous freelance writing gig since the dawn of time, and subconsciously decided that it would be awesome to take a few days to…er…do a “project.”

Fact 3: A well-meaning friend who’s an accomplished baker recommended Beth Hensperger’s wondrous and seminal baking tome, and I’ve been in love with it ever since. In fact, until recently, there were about four recipes I was dying to try…

Fact 4: Jeff, the Live-In Gentleman, and I are both performers; by night, we make the improv and sketch comedy ha-has. Knowing that both of these groups were about to have holiday parties, I started hatching an idea…

What if we gave each member of each of the groups a gift bag of home-baked bread? Wouldn’t that be nice and thoughtful, especially for the people who live far from family and ol’ fashioned homemade goodies? Wouldn’t it?

But then, the idea ballooned. Clearly, the gastronomically discerning members of these groups couldn’t have just one loaf. Each member would definitely need one sweet and one savory option.

I started crunching some numbers. Four bread choices (two sweet and two savory), twenty or so people in the improv group, three in the sketch comedy group, and a few extra loaves just in case, plus one gluten-intolerant person who’d need something different.

All in all, I figured I’d need forty-eight loaves. Twelve loaves each of orange cinnamon swirl, cornmeal and sundried tomato brioche, roasted garlic and herb focaccia and amaretto roulade. One dozen gluten-free fudgy chocolate-pecan cookies for our gluten-free friend.

Oh, madness. You seemed so justifiable at first.

Seventy-two hours into this baking disaster, it was 3:30 in the morning. Jeff had just gone to bed after cellophane- and ribbon- wrapping about thirty-five of the loaves. I was still waiting for the cookies to cool, pondering the late-night appeal of an early Linda Fiorentino bomb on Showtime, and inhaling in deeply as awesome-scented goodness saturated my tiny, bread-covered living room...

Part II to come!

Passage to Indian Carrot Salad

It’s 2:29pm, three days after Christmas. I’m nursing a glass of water at home in Brooklyn, watching Emeril on Food Network, and going over my TO DO list before I go to India.

I’m going to India. I have to keep typing this because I don’t quite believe it yet, even though the plane leaves in 52 hours and 29 minutes. I’m not packed (next on the TO DO list), but I think everything else has been accomplished. The rent is paid, my Visa is all set up, and I’ve had more shots in the last month than most firing squad victims. I am immune to EVERYTHING, up to and including polio, rabies, and that weird virus that made everyone zombies in 28 Days Later.

I’ll be overseas until January 8th, and returning to blogdom on the 10th. In the meantime, Rachel the Cheap Healthy Gourmet has graciously agreed to fill in during my absence. (Read: she’s tied up in the basement with nothing but gruel and a laptop.) While I’m gasping in wonder at the Taj Mahal and trying desperately to avoid an exciting intestinal malaise, you’ll be treated to seven straight days of really, really good recipes and writing. Besides being the best roommate ever, Rach is also the best home cook I know, so I promise y’all are in good hands.

In celebration of the trip (paid for in part by months of hardcore food budgeting), I attempted an Indian Carrot Salad from The Food of India cookbook last night. It turned out okay, but would have been better if I hadn't messed with the directions so excessively. To wit: I added too much lemon juice, made a mustard substitution that didn’t work, and heated the oil to near-bubbling, all of which turned the carrots a little bitter. Ultimately, though it wasn’t terrible (and I’ll finish the dish), I do suggest following the exact measurements and instructions for best results. Which, like – duh.

That aside, I hope everyone’s New Year is ever-so-lovely, and I’ll see y’all again in two weeks. Whee!

P.S. All spices were purchased bulk from my local ethnic market, which is why the prices are so low.

Indian Carrot Salad
Serves 3
Adapted from The Food of India.

½ tablespoon oil (I used vegetable oil – Kris)
1/8 teaspoon black mustard seeds (I used Dijon mustard. Bad idea. – Kris)
1/8 teaspoon cumin seeds
pinch of ground turmeric
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon caster (superfine granulated) sugar
¾ tablespoon lemon juice
9 oz (about 3 large) carrots, finely grated
A few coriander (cilantro) leaves (I left this out – Kris)

1) In a small saucepan, heat oil over medium heat. Add mustard and cumin seeds. Cover pan. Shake until seeds begin popping.

2) Uncover pan. Add turmeric, salt, and sugar. Remove from heat and let cool for 5 minutes. Add lemon juice and stir. Add carrot and mix thoroughly. "Cover and leave for 30 minutes." If you like top with coriander/cilantro when served.

Approximate Calories, Fat, and Price per Serving
57 calories, 2.5 g fat, $0.26

Calculations
½ T oil: 62 calories, 7 g fat, $0.01
1/8 t black mustard seeds: negligible calories and fat, $0.02
1/8 t cumin seeds: negligible calories and fat, $0.05
pinch of ground turmeric: negligible calories and fat, $0.02
1/8 t salt: negligible calories and fat, $0.01
1/8 t caster (superfine granulated) sugar: 3 calories, 0 g fat, $0.01
¾ T lemon juice: 2 calories, 0 g fat, $0.20
9 oz (about 3 large) carrots, finely grated: 105 calories, 0.6 g fat, $0.45
TOTAL: 172 calories, 7.6 g fat, $0.77
PER SERVING (TOTAL/3): 57 calories, 2.5 g fat, $0.26

CHG Favorites of the Week

Blog of the Week
Get Fit Slowly
Another fine blog by JD of Get Rich Slowly fame. He and his bud Mac are chronicling their efforts to drop a few pounds, and though only a few weeks old, it’s already chock full of solid fitness tips, healthy eating strategies, and up-to-date news reports and analysis. Worth a look and an RSS add.

Cookbook of the Week
The Best 30-Minute Recipe
Hm. I think my family found out I like to cook. I got six recipe tomes for Christmas this year, including this one by the makers of Cooks Illustrated, America’s Test Kitchen, and Christopher Kimball’s bowtie. A cursory glance reveals a couple hundred tasty-looking, fairly inexpensive meals, along with CI’s requisite equipment evaluations and hand-drawn filets of salmon. This bodes well.

Food Comedy of the Week
American Cookbook
Subtly subversive parody of ‘50s instruction videos, featuring all kinds of delicious American foodery. The second episode, “Ice Cream” is particularly good, especially when the narrator is discussing his less-than-supportive father. (“They say he died of acute disapproval.”)

Organization of the Week
UN World Food Program
Focusing on emergency situations, relief and rehabilitation, development, and special operations, the UN World Food Program feeds millions of people in dozens of countries worldwide. A few bucks could make a huge difference in somebody’s life.

Quote of the Week
"And, of course, the funniest food of all: kumquats." - George Carlin

Tip of the Week
When I have a particularly dirty pan that’s still hot, I dump a cup or two of water into it. It cleans the equipment immediately, and makes scrubbing a lot easier later. (P.S. I was afraid this would harm the pan somehow, but then I saw Alton Brown doing it, and all is well.) (P.P.S. Don’t do this with glass.)

Video of the Week (Food Division)
“Trapped in the Drive-Through” by Weird Al Yankovic
Possibly the only parody of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in a Closet” epic that’s funnier than the real thing. Be on special alert for the precious few seconds where Al gets the Led out.

Lentil Soup: Friends, Romans, Christmasmen, Lentil Me Your Ear

(Apologies for the title. Punnerific!)

Just in time for the holidays, it’s the Christmasiest dish of all: Lentil Soup!

Okay, not really. While Lentil Soup doesn’t scream O Come All Ye Faithful, it is most definitely a meal for frigid December nights – a dense, stewy comfort food that may not be fancy enough to serve guests, but does just fine for on a random Wednesday.

Like every other food that's not pasta or chicken, I’m kind of new to lentils. They careened into my life during a braising class about a year ago, like some savory, wine-infused comet. Needless to say, Cabernet Sauvignon + veal stock + anything = highly satisfying, so my introduction was totally jolly and very bright. However, I do understand why some might have an aversion to lentils. Honestly, they’re kind of dry, and there’s only so much you can do to make ‘em kick. BUT, prepared with some flair (FLAIR!), they’re pretty palatable. Good, even.

This dish fits the flair bill. (The flair bill? Okay, I’ll go with it.) It’s an All Recipes special that starts with a rough mire poix and then simmers long enough to infuse everything with a gentle, savory flava.

Based on reviewer comments, I reduced the olive oil by half, opted for diced tomatoes, substituted chicken stock for half the water, and chose balsamic vinegar over red wine vinegar. They were all good suggestions, though I might cut back on the vinegar. It nearly overpowered the other flavors.

Based on my own preferences, I nixed the spinach called for in the original recipe. I’m raw spinach’s biggest fan, but the cooked stuff seriously grosses me out. I vividly remember accidentally biting into a diner spinach roll a few years ago and nearly spitting it back at my sister. She was not pleased, but – yick.

Also? I think I may have finally learned how to “salt and pepper to taste.” This is very exciting, since I formerly interpreted that particular direction as “salt and pepper until your tongue turns into a raisin.” My new understanding is that salt should be applied enough to highlight and strengthen a flavor, but not become a flavor in itself. Three cheers.
So - here it is. Hope you like it, and I'll be back late next week with new posts. Happy holidays!

Lentil Soup
Makes six large servings
Adapted from All Recipes.

1 onion, chopped
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 carrots, diced
2 stalks celery, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon dried basil
1 (14.5 ounce) can diced tomatoes
2 cups dry lentils
8 cups water (OR 4 cups water and 4 cups broth)
2 tablespoons vinegar
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

1) In a large pot or dutch oven, heat oil over medium heat. Add onions, carrots, and celery. Saute until onion is soft and tender, stirring occasionally. Add garlic, bay leaf, oregano, and basil. Saute another 2 minutes, stirring occasionally.

2) Add lentils. Stir. Add water and tomatoes. Stir again and bring to a boil. Once soup begins boiling, drop heat to medium-low and simmer for a minimum of 60 minutes.

3) When soup is just about done, stir in spinach and continue cooking until it wilts. Add vinegar. Salt and pepper to taste. Serve hot.

Approximate Calories, Fat, and Price per Serving
356.5 calories, 7.2 g fat, $0.69

Calculations
1 onion, chopped: 46 calories, 0.1 g fat, $0.15
2 tablespoons olive oil: 239 calories, 27 g fat, $0.16
2 carrots, diced: 50 calories, 0.3 g fat, $0.20
2 stalks celery, chopped: 11 calories, 0.1 g fat, $0.40
2 cloves garlic, minced: 9 calories, 0 g fat, $0.10
1 teaspoon dried oregano: negligible fat and calories, $0.02
1 bay leaf: negligible fat and calories, $0.03
1 teaspoon dried basil: negligible fat and calories, $0.02
1 (14.5 ounce) can diced tomatoes: 82 calories, 0 g fat, $1.39 (ouch)
2 cups dry lentils: 1356 calories, 4.1 g fat, $0.48
4 cups water: negligible fat and calories, free
4 cups chicken stock: 346 calories, 11.5 g fat, $0.92
2 tablespoons vinegar: negligible fat and calories, $0.24
salt to taste: negligible fat and calories, $0.02
ground black pepper to taste: negligible fat and calories, $0.02
TOTAL: 2139 calories, 43.1 g fat, $4.15
PER SERVING (TOTAL/6): 356.5 calories, 7.2 g fat, $0.69

CHG Favorites of the Week

Blog of the Week
Zen Habits
Calming, level-headed, and chock full of sane, well-appointed advice, ZH is an enormously popular blog that gives pointers on how to achieve a simplified, fulfilling life. Extensive archives hold dozens of lengthy articles, with a particular emphasis on food. Mad kudos for the banner, which is eye-grabbing and relaxing at the same time.

Organization Guide of the Week
Charity Navigator: Sharing Your Bounty – Providing Holiday Meals to the Less Fortunate
A brief, link-heavy article about how to best give/serve food to your community and beyond. Great resource for the season.

Quote of the Week
From 30 Rock:
JACK: Lemon, you're here early.
LEMON: Well I gave up caffeine so I've been going to bed at 5:30.

Sketch of the Week
Delicious Dish with Pete Schweddy - from SNL

Featuring Ana Gasteyer, Molly Shannon, and a smokin' hot Alec Baldwin, it wouldn't be Christmas without this sketch.

Tip of the Week
If you’re in a hurry and the size of your cooked vegetables doesn’t matter, opt for kitchen shears over a knife and a cutting board. Cut broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, or herbs directly over the pan.

Untried Cheap, Healthy Recipe of the Week
Mustard-Crusted Pork Tenderloin with Carrots and Lentils at Slow Cooked
Fellow Brooklynite Molly gets all Gourmet on our collective tuchuses. Best line (from her bio): “I prefer my meat rare, my restaurants casual, and my cheese stinky.”

Video of the Week (Food Video of the Week)

"Christmas Wrapping" by the Waitresses
Couldn't miss this one this year. (Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!)

(Photos courtesy of Runnerduck.com and John Gushue.)

Feed the World: Holiday Volunteering and Food Donations

(This’ll be my last Wednesday article for awhile, since next week is the Day After Christmas, and the week after that I’ll be somewhere in Rajasthan, India. [Fuh real!] Rachel, the Cheap Healthy Gourmet will be taking over for a week in my absence. Girl can COOK, so stay tuned!)

Once upon a time (1984), in a land far, far away (England), there lived a thin, dyspeptic pop star named Bob Geldof. Now, Bob was a good pop star, but at the time, fairly unknown in world-saving circles. Then, one day, he happened to stumble across a BBC report on the famine in Ethopia, where hundreds of thousands of poverty-stricken Africans were dying for lack of food and medicine. Shaken by the conditions of these poor, oppressed people, Bob decided to do something about it.

Using all his thin, dyspeptic pop star powers, young Geldof assembled a mighty group of famous U.K. musicians (Bono, Sting, Paul McCartney), not-quite-as-famous U.K. musicians (Jody Watley, Kool and the Gang), soon-to-be-infamous U.K. musicians (George Michael, Boy George), and dubbed them Band Aid. Together, they recorded “Do They Know it’s Christmas,” the most powerful charity Christmas song since “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” (which, as everyone knows, paid for Rudolph’s therapy following decades of emotional abuse by his fellow sleigh-pullers).

Ultimately, the accomplishments of “Do They Know it’s Christmas” are too numerous to mention, so I’ll attempt to sum. It:
A) Rocked the airwaves unlike any holiday tune before it,
B) Gave humanity the worst Christmas lyric of all time (“Tonight, thank god it's them instead of you.") and
C) Raised a humongous amount of cash for people who really needed it

Even now, 23 years later, Simon LeBon and various members of Bananarama are inspiring generations of Kmart shoppers and light FM listeners to consider donating to charity. And that’s what’s beautiful about “Do They Know it’s Christmas” - it’s an enduring reminder that innocent people are still suffering. While many of us are lucky enough to have families to visit, warm places to sleep, and good food to eat during the holidays, lots of folks don’t. And it’s important we do what we can, like young (now old) Geldof before us.

So, this Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Solstice or whatever, consider lending some time and/or hard-earned cash to charitable organizations around the globe. It will make many people very happy, and happy is good.

In fact, here are a few ideas to getchoo started. They’ve all been listed on the site before, and most have either been reported on fairly extensively or rated by Charity Navigator.

Happy holidays!

FEED THE TROOPS

Any Solider
Fulfill a soldier’s request for supplies, food, and ways to pass the time.

The USO
If you’d specifically like to send a care package, the aptly named Operation Care Package is the way to go. Check out their FAQ for more info, or just peruse the site, which is intuitive and informative

Treat the Troops
Jeanette Cram has baked over 640,000 cookies for soldiers overseas. Help her fund the effort.

FEED YOUR NEIGHBORS

The Food Trust’s Supermarket Campaign
Inner-city citizens need fresh food. The Supermarket Campaign is here to help.

Food Bank for New York City
FBNYC helps hungry Big Apple-ites in each of the five boroughs.

Donors Choose
Fund the activity/teacher of your choosing. I linked to the “food” ideas here, but really the whole site is worth a look.

The Society of St. Andrew
SoSA focuses on the distribution of healthy, inexpensive food (with an emphasis on produce) to hungry kids and families nationwide.

Second Harvest
The mother ship to hundreds of smaller food banks, Second Harvest feeds millions of hungry U.S. citizens a year.

God’s Love We Deliver
This is a tri-state area based volunteer group that buys, cooks, and delivers meals to seriously ill men, women, children.

Your local house of worship
Peruse the activities at your local shrine to see how you can pitch in.

FEED THE WORLD

Action Against Hunger
AAH assists the needy in more than 40 countries in Africa, Asia, and South America, with special focus on water and aid during crises.

American Red Cross
The mothership.